______I've always been compelled to keep a personal timeline through text and image since I was young, and this has been accomplished through a variety of mediums: diaries, sketchbooks, scrapbooks, and even restaurant napkins. Diaries and the like are basically self-portraits you write in order to figure yourself out, to figure out wha image you are projecting into the world. That being said, I don't always see my own image clearly, which is perhaps strange since all this text is accompanied by none other than pictures of myself.
______I see photos of myself and don't always recognize them as me. I see them as someone I recognize on a daily basis but often fail to view that person as myself. I've always struggled with body image, but recently it's been less about body image and more about attempting to construct who I am in my head, noting what it is other people see in me--not necessarily just in terms of physical appearance, but with personality and demeanor, too. I feel like I'm composed of parts and pieces due to pulling personalities and styles from my friends and other influences, taking in their little witticisms and sayings and absorbing and merging them with my own. Perhaps all this image-taking and writing is just me trying to figure out how everything I've come into contact with congeals into one cohesive Ali.
_____ I know I have blonde hair and hazel, sometimes dark green, eyes. I have a scar on my chin from crashing my bike into a parked car and a caterpillar-like scar on my leg from where I had a large birthmark removed many moons ago. I nibble on my nails but don't bite them. I twiddle my hair a lot. I've got some pretty decent sewing skills and lots of pin-pricks on my fingertips to prove it. I spend more time with words in my head than I do speaking them. I get exhausted by people quicker than most, and thus need a solid amount of alone time per day. I don't think I've gone a day in my life without nibbling on some form of chocolate.
_____ Though I have a plethora of photos of myself from day to day that I can look at and definitely confirm as me, I suppose I never think of myself as a specific-looking person when I'm doing something. I suppose in the end, that's what's important: seeing yourself as the actions you perform or the things you do rather than solely your outward appearance.
Dress: Lulus (similar)
Jacket: F21
Gloves: ASOS (similar)
Tights: ASOS
Heels: Jeffrey Campbell
Choker: Valfré (similar)
Rose earrings: Charming Charlie (similar)
Sometimes I wish I had a camera somewhere stacked photographing my interactions with people and my day to day life, mainly because I feel like you feel. I want to see how other people see me, from the outside, I bet it would be amusing.
ReplyDeleteI do like your quirky writings and your gorgeous blonde hair and creativity, I think these are all yours and yours alone. I see you as a gentle flower that can prickle if disturbed. :P
even though we may spend the most amount of time with ourselves, it's terribly difficult to know who we are. parts of us are always changing, and other parts stay stubbornly the same.
ReplyDeletereally har seeing you like this. I imagine you have a very tight snatch.mmmm
ReplyDelete