Your eyes don't deceive you. These are indeed my new and first ever pair of Jeffrey Campbell shoes which I originally got for homecoming, although later decided that I didn't trust leaving their awesomeness off my feet whilst boogieing it down. I love these shoes. They are awesome and make me feel like I could stare at a rock and move it with my mind and make it hit some bully being mean to a kid, who would then look over at me.
____"You throw that rock?" The bully kid would say, throwing the pathetic nerd (aka me) to the side with his pure idiocy.
____"Yeah," I'd say. "I threw that rock. And I threw it at you. Got a problem?"
____I would stand with my hands on my hips as the sun rose behind me in a dramatic fashion, creating a shadow that loomed over the bully kid like a dark raincloud amongst a sparkly, firefly-filled forest of tender love and joy.
____"Yeah. We got a problem," the bully kid would say, taking a step forward, his eyes never leaving mine. As he would walk closer, I could only envision how perfectly my evil plan would work out. Oh, yes, I would think. Oh, yes indeed.
____"I'd like for you to leave that kid alone," I'd say.
____"That won't be happening," the bully kid would say. I would nod, acting as if I understood his side in this dispute. Acting as if he had good reason.
____But of course, I would never truly see eye-to-eye with him. In fact, once able to see the whites of those corrupted eyes of his, I would flail about ever so wildly and stick my hands in the air as if I were to take off and fly. That bully kid would laugh so very hard at me, but little would he know what was to come. With my hands in the air (waving 'em like I just don't care) and my Jeffrey Campbell shoes on, I would move the earth below him with my power of epic proportions. The earth would tear apart and he would be swallowed into a dark abyss, his face contorted into an expression somewhere between confusion and astonishment as he fell. Just before the earth closed over him, I would use my mind powers to bring the bully kid back to safety.
____The earth's surface would return to normal. That would be when the only sound heard would be the cheers from the kid who was being bullied earlier. Other than that, silence will reign dominion for a few breathtaking seconds. The bully kid, shocked into remission and unable to utter a single vowel, will only be able to look at my shoes which will be glowing like majestic glow worms. Then and there is when the bully kid will decide on his own that being a bully kid was never that fun, that being a bully kid was the last thing he ever wanted to be, let alone think about being. And that is my story of how I will one day save the bullied kids of the world.
____"Yeah," I'd say. "I threw that rock. And I threw it at you. Got a problem?"
____I would stand with my hands on my hips as the sun rose behind me in a dramatic fashion, creating a shadow that loomed over the bully kid like a dark raincloud amongst a sparkly, firefly-filled forest of tender love and joy.
____"Yeah. We got a problem," the bully kid would say, taking a step forward, his eyes never leaving mine. As he would walk closer, I could only envision how perfectly my evil plan would work out. Oh, yes, I would think. Oh, yes indeed.
____"I'd like for you to leave that kid alone," I'd say.
____"That won't be happening," the bully kid would say. I would nod, acting as if I understood his side in this dispute. Acting as if he had good reason.
____But of course, I would never truly see eye-to-eye with him. In fact, once able to see the whites of those corrupted eyes of his, I would flail about ever so wildly and stick my hands in the air as if I were to take off and fly. That bully kid would laugh so very hard at me, but little would he know what was to come. With my hands in the air (waving 'em like I just don't care) and my Jeffrey Campbell shoes on, I would move the earth below him with my power of epic proportions. The earth would tear apart and he would be swallowed into a dark abyss, his face contorted into an expression somewhere between confusion and astonishment as he fell. Just before the earth closed over him, I would use my mind powers to bring the bully kid back to safety.
____The earth's surface would return to normal. That would be when the only sound heard would be the cheers from the kid who was being bullied earlier. Other than that, silence will reign dominion for a few breathtaking seconds. The bully kid, shocked into remission and unable to utter a single vowel, will only be able to look at my shoes which will be glowing like majestic glow worms. Then and there is when the bully kid will decide on his own that being a bully kid was never that fun, that being a bully kid was the last thing he ever wanted to be, let alone think about being. And that is my story of how I will one day save the bullied kids of the world.
Yup, so rather than starting the introduction to my research paper on King Arthur or at least replying to my poor friend's e-mail that she so diligently sent me, I decided to write a story about what I see these shoes being able to do. I do hope you enjoyed it, for now I must go and write about a less interesting topic. I kid, I kid. This research paper shan't be too terrible to scribe about on parchment, ohohoho. Farewell, citizens! See how in the picture below I'm waving goodbye to you? No? It looks like I'm contemplating life after picking up a pebble that fell diagonally from the sky? Dang.. you're right, it does.
Top: Ross Dress for Less
Skirt: Forever 21
Tights: Hue
Shoes: Jeffrey Campbell (hsdfghasdsg)
