Thursday, August 21, 2014

Hiding Behind Messy Hair

HideHide

______I'm sitting at my freshly painted dining room table munching on cloudy, tinny-tasting ice cubes as I write this, trying to rattle my brains for a topic of some value to ramble on about. Like uh, these ice cubes? It's a chilling topic, but I promise I won't type in all ice caps to discuss it. HA. Ha. Haha. Please don't punch me.

______So when I was a wee sprout, I used to eat some strange things, and well, ice cereal was one of them. More specifically, ice wedge cereal. Because for some reason ice cubes form in wedges unless you possess a fancy-shmancy ice machine like my parents, but alas, despite the shape, we all still refer to tiny frozen water pieces as "ice cubes."

______I digress. Ice wedges totally need to be a thing, so let's coin this term while we can. Join the revolution: #icewedgesovericecubes on Twitter. If any of you actually tweet that hashtag, you're my hero(ine) of the week.

______Back to our intended topic: ice wedge cereal. It was a simple recipe, really: you pluck a bowl from the cabinet, dump a handful of ice wedges in there, and fill the bowl with warm water that crackles the ice from the inside out. Then you dig into that homogeneous mixture like a crab digs into his gnarly crab sand lair, thus freezing your insides from your teeth to your tongue. It's very chilly and flavorless, yet it simultaneously satisfies some strange need. Like a cat needs to scratch a post, young-me needed to munch on ice wedge cereal every few weeks.

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HideHideHide

______I also made potato chip and butter sandwiches. Totally the healthiest thing ever, check this out: you grab two slices of white bread, both bleached whiter than that one 36-year old man who still lives in his mom's basement, smother butter on both pieces, and finally smash some chips on one slice, making sure to distribute the chips proportionately across the buttery wasteland. Smack those two pieces together and shovel that in your mouth for a carb-laden adventure that'll have your mother rocking back and forth in a corner.

______...'Murica.

______There was nothing that satisfied the taste buds quite like that starch-o-rrific, greasy butter and chip sandwich. I guess my extremely healthy eating habits now stem from a subconscious repulsion of past noms.

______Have you eaten anything that would be deemed strange as child, or even now?

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Top: TJ Maxx (similar)
Skirt: Moon Collection, via Modcloth
Booties: Charlotte Russe (similar)
Necklace: Charming Charlie
Ampersand ring: c/o BornPretty
Twist ring: c/o RoseWholeSale

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Sailor Dweeb

Navy

______Before I knew it, I was teetering over a rock-plated cliff that curved down into the murky lake below: a crescent moon half submerged. Wind rustled the crispy leaves surrounding the three of us. The water glinted a pearly white on its mossy green surface. A lazy Monarch butterfly dragged its wings through the soggy air as my friend's sister snapped pictures of the lake before us.

______Nuh-uh. Nope. Not gonna happen. There's no frick-frakkin' way. My friend moved to my side and gazed over the edge. It was about a 30-foot drop and the raw water lapped and rippled at the cliff's edge below: not dangerously, but not invitingly, either. I watched him watch the water. Take it all in. Become one with nature. Mentally prepare himself to leap off like a crazed yet majestic toad and smack the lake water below, probably only to be devoured by man-eating piranhas that had split heads and teeth like calcified thorns. Good luck getting out of that one. I'll stay up here where it's safe and piranha-less, thank you very much. 

______He gathered his courage quickly, and off he went.

Navy
NavyNavy


______Or more accurately, off he sprinted. Whatever. He dun scrambled off that big rock like a starry-eyed, 19th century dreamer after gold. Gutsy bruh. Epic poems would probably be carved in tablets of ruby about him, which wouldn't be readable in the least, but hey, ruby tablets. Statues erected in his honor. Maybe also made of rubies, or something more ecologically friendly, like old Pepsi cans surrounding a form of bubble wrap. A comment to the whole retaining the natural lakes concept. His face would be painstakingly embroidered on the pocket of everyone's favorite T-shirt. You know, little enjoyable things. Maybe I'm being a little too dramatic here.

______SPLOOOSH

______The lake swallowed him whole and immediately barfed him back up, as if rejecting his presence below water: a fleshy human-shaped bobber. Lake didn't wanna eat him. Maybe the lake didn't wanna eat me, either. Maybe the lake didn't think hominids were tasty. A reasonable theory. An enlightening theory. Only one way to test it.

______He egged me on to go next. Naturally, I hesitated. But after pacing back and forth a few times, my thoughts rigged with self-motivational quotes, I was ready. Lady balls quickly flourished on my person and I primed my face with the most authentic Pokerface I had. Lady Gaga would be proud. Except she wouldn't, because she doesn't know who the heck I am. It's a shame, I know. Air balled up in my windpipe. I took one last glance over the rocky edge, and I went for it.

______I dashed, leaped, and all seemed perfectly decent, like I would fall a short distance until my feet softly touched the earth. Thus was obviously not the case here, for gravity mercilessly pulled me down with its invisible claws. I tried to shout, "Aaah!" but I don't remember if I did or if I could have even remembered to do so. The first few feet falling were slight and easy to stomach and felt like an everyday jump, like one off a squat brick wall with a trampled flower bed at the top, but the last few before you broke the water's surface made you realize your lungs were pushed against your throat, you were weightless and powerless, and that there was no safety net. You were falling. Gravity was your authority. You were in the able hands of Mother Nature. Do or die, motherfuckers. 

Navy9Navy
Navy

______PLERP

______I plopped into the water like a dense turd in a shallow toilet and probably with far less grace than one, assuming turds can be graceful. My waterlogged friend cheered me nonetheless, even though my form was haphazard as a soggy Cheerio ripping apart in a bowl of warm milk. I felt like one, too. Arms splayed. Shoulders not tucked into my body. Water definitely infiltrated my nose, much to my displeasure. But I succeeded, and maybe someone would sew an image of my face or at least my eyebrow on their shirt pocket, too. Definitely gnarlier and more extreme than Six Flags. I'm ready for my custom leather jacket, permanent cross-and-bones tattoo, and braided chest hair that'll stream fervently in the wind after my shimmery cobalt Harley gets fixed.

______We two water mongrels gazed up at the cliff, for now it was his sister's turn to join us in the murky depths to become the third mermaid of the lake. I poked my eardrums to draw out water. After some minutes she jumped, too--a quiet, pin-like sploosh into the water--and we soon found ourselves treading in place, hovering over cold spots in the quiet lake.

______It was an experience. One I will only do once, and from now on, I think I'll keep my limbs stuck to the ground or the water rather than hurdling through the air like I'm hurdling through dimensions. 

Navy

Top: Tatyana
Oxford heels: Jeffrey Campbell
Socks: Target
Necklace: JCPenny's (similar)
Both linked bracelets: Charming Charlie (similar)

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Minty Fresh + For Elyse

MintMint

______Hi friends!

______I know, I know. It's been a while and I can explain, but not before I present this darling mint maxi skirt from For Elyse that I've been scheming to build a plethora of outfits around. It can sit high or low (and wobble to the flo') or be folded up top to create the perfect length. It's also a stretchy wonder, which is fantastic 'cause then you're able to consume more than three grapes at dinnertime and still feel cozy in your attire without having that mental need to flex them abdominals inward whenever you get up to scuttle around.

______Yes, scuttle. We are all tiny crabs on beaches now.

MintMint
MintMint

______After seeing these pictures, I noted how dang prominent my butt is in comparison to the rest of my body. You think you look perfectly proportional in a mirror and then BOOM, after uploading pictures from camera to Picasa, you're faced with these full-body photos that relentlessly bop you on the head with their blatant truths. Pretty sure my butt could organically separate from my body and become its own radio personality. Pretty sure my butt was the real reason the Holy Roman Empire fell. Pretty sure my butt has its own center of gravity and soon will be orbiting small objects, like restaurant silverware and tubes of lost Chapstick. Pretty sure I saw the reflections of some grey-haired fellas in trucks doing double takes at the booty while mom and I took these pictures.

______Whatever goes.

MintMintMint

______I haven't posted in a whole week and a half, aka nearly a gosh darn fortnight, and for that I apologize from the bottom of my (obviously tar black) heart. My parents, brother, and I moved a shark-ton of furniture and decorative things into my apartment over the weekend and it was a flabbergastingly busy time for all involved. My dad even drove home a creep-style van from work to carry everything to the apartment; we all sat cheerfully behind its wide front window with the windows rolled down and savored curious glances from onlookers. Truly a memorable experience.

Mint

Leopard top: Charlotte Russe (similar)
Mint maxi skirt: c/o For Elyse (exact here)
Earrings: c/o Rosewholesale
Various bracelets: probably Charming Charlie
Snake ring: Lulu*s (similar)
Hair: styled by momma

Monday, July 28, 2014

A Good Stretch

Flex
Flex, 48"x48", July 2014
oil on masonite

______Woop-di-doop! I'm finally calling this painting finished after working on it for a couple of weeks. I eventually just had to pry myself away from it, because at one point, I almost got stuck to it starfish-style. I'm constantly fearful that I will overwork a painting, but I stopped just in time for this guy. Now nobody let me touch it ever again.

______The "problem" with posting traditional art on the interwebernets is that it becomes visually skewed in terms of size and texture. This painting is fairly big though not huge: four feet by four feet, or what I like to imagine is a perfect square but most likely isn't since I was the one who made the canvas board (wonky creator = wonky square). I googled "things that are four feet tall" to make a neat size comparison of painting to non-painting object, but all I learned was that turkeys can grow to four feet tall, which is absolutely terrifying. So yeah, this guy is the size of a monstrously large turkey.

______Stay safe with a set of skewers and jar of poultry seasoning out there, friends. There be large turkeys roaming the lands, lurking, waiting, anticipating you.

FlexFlexFlex

Monday, July 21, 2014

It's Lime Time + RoseWholeSale

LimeLime

______What time is it?

______...LIME TIME!

______If you answered, "Summertime! It's our vacation!" in High School Musical-esque vocals, then, well, I'll give you that, you Troy Bolton wannabes. If you have not an inkling as to what High School Musical is, then it's probably better you don't know.

______Anywho! Rosewholesale sent me over a package of aesthetically pleasing items a few days ago: this frilly tulle skirt, along with emerald earrings and a bracelet to boot. I concocted an outfit on the interwebs because that's convenient and entertaining. Just like last time, I'm very pleased with the quality and fit of these items!

LimeLimeLime
Lime

______A lady in the grocery store told me I looked like "a cute little fairy princess" when I was picking out some bananas that could have camouflaged in with my skirt, which is basically the best description anyone has ever had of me. This is one of those magical skirts that makes you look super skinny, is super floaty, and probably has the ability to summon kung-fu-fairy-fighters with a swish of its tulle.

______The parental units, my and brother, his girlfriend, and I all drove up to Nashville this weekend. I haven't been there since I was a very tiny Homo sapien that couldn't remember much, so the experience was new for me. However, it was exciting moseying about the town, getting blasted by occasional thrums of loud musical and cigarette smoke, and popping into an innumerable amount of boot shops. If I ever wanted a pair of cowboy boots, after seeing so many lining shelves and walls like museum artifacts, I sure as heck don't now.

______That being said, I haven't had much time to catch up on commenting, so I'll get to that soon! Hope you all had a fantastic weekend, friends!

Lime

Skirt: c/o Rosewholesale (exact)
Bracelet: c/o Rosewholesale (exact)
Earrings: c/o Rosewholesale (exact)
Top: we just don't know
Sandals: Franco Sarto
Hair: styled by momma