Thursday, May 22, 2014

Becoming Ladyface


 ______Centuries ago when I was but a wee sprout rooted in my childhood home, I was blessed with the roomiest closet in all the land. This closet spanned the length of a school bus and was just as wide minus the seats. Down the left side, my clothes hung in a tidy row; down the right, Polly Pocket kits, Lego sets, and what was basically Barbieville dominated the intersection of carpet and wall. My closet was a dreamy haven for a young girl.

 ______One day, I was stumbling through my mom's bathroom drawers, most likely searching fervently for a sensational nail polish with tiny foil stars in it; however, instead of stumbling across a glitzy nail covering, I unearthed a stack of those large winged pads for women. 

 ______I unwrapped one and studied it intently. 

 ______What were these objects?


______Of course, I had not the faintest idea that they were feminine hygiene products meant to be shoved in underwear like some giant diaper sticker. Nope, the first thought that popped into my young head was, "Jackpot! Sleeping cots for my Barbies! BARBIE SLEEPOVER!" And so I snatched a few and dashed immediately to my closet like a sugar addict out of a bakery. 

______I plopped my Barbies on their fun new cots. Surely, my Barbies were absolutely elated that they could finally have a sleepover, 'cause there was no way they could have all fit in a single tiny Barbie bed. But now they had sleeping cots and could all chill in the same location. What a darn pleasant time. What a darn pleasant day. There was nothing quite like the highly saturated, pink-drenched world of Barbies, you guys.


______Inevitably enough, one afternoon my mother stumbled into my closet and across the unsettling sight of her pads encompassing the Barbie bed in a well-spaced circle, like a Stone Henge crafted from pads and Barbies wearing cutely patterned sleepwear. She most likely presumed there was some ritualistic ceremony going down and that her daughter would soon be slinging dark curses and chants about, along with sporting hooded velvet robes and smudges of black around her eyes. My mother found me and questioned what exactly I was doing with them, and I sheepishly sputtered how they were just having a Barbie sleepover. I felt oddly guilty.

______That was when young Ali had an early lesson on what the true intentions of these unearthly cots were. Needless to say, I was absolutely horrified and my Barbies didn't partake in any more sleepovers after I learned where those pads were really meant to go.

______Have you guys ever had a misconception about something during your childhood?


Dress: Know-Style (similar)
Necklace: idk I won it somehow on the interwebs
Booties: Charlotte Russe (similar)
Rose earrings: Charming Charlie
Stud bracelet: Charming Charlie (similar)

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Meanwhile, Back At The Quad


______I told you darling little sea slugs a long while back about that most splenderrific opportunity that my supercalifragilisticexpialidocious of a professor got me at the beginning of the Spring semester, the opportunity where I could illustrate something for the Department of Religious Studies at my university (and get paaaaaaaaid) (insert sparkly saucer eyes.)

______During one of the final weekly meetings with the man who heads the department, he asked me how things were coming along. I told him in all honesty that it was much more work than I had expected, though still very enjoyable! He proceeded to ask how much I thought the project was worth now, and I thought about it for a second and told him. He took a minute to think with a deep, "Hmmmm," then casually tossed out a number larger than the one I did; you can imagine my heart pounced in my chest like a leaping grasshopper on stimulant drugs, 'cause it did.

______I tried to stay cool as a frozen cucumber but it might not have worked. It probably didn't work. I'm just not cool. I melted. Melty cucumber Ali Hval.

UA Dept. of Religious Studies Newsletter Spring 2014UA Dept. of Religious Studies Newsletter Spring 2014UA Dept. of Religious Studies Newsletter Spring 2014

______This was my first time being paid for something art related that wasn't snapping scenic family portraits or taking a series of photos of my neighbors' kids for senior yearbook pages. The idea is that opposed to a newsletter blatantly stating the department's current happenings, there are two students walking around discussing what's going on, like some omniscient mind-reading students that lurk in the shadows of the department. Thus, it may make no sense to all of you guys. 1,000 copies of this have been printed and sent out, which is shocking and exciting!

UA Dept. of Religious Studies Newsletter Spring 2014
UA Dept. of Religious Studies Newsletter Spring 2014
UA Dept. of Religious Studies Newsletter Spring 2014

______This newsletter led to what is now my art job this summer, which is curating a hearty set of comics based on happenings within the department and critical thinking problems. Plus, all the professors have not-so-sneaky superhero disguises; it's fantastic seeing professors who have written complex books and articles get pumped over thinking what their disguise should be: a Zorro mask? A bandana? A tiny cowboy hat and cape? People rock, guys.

______I can't post the actual comics I'm currently illustrating until their department blog has them live, but a sneak peak of the all the professors' secret lair wouldn't hurt. How about that coffee maker as a centerpiece?

Week One--The Praxitorium2-001

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Carry On My Wayward Blobs

Watercharged, 44"x30"
oil on paper, Painting Composition, Spring 2014

______These are my incredibly infectious knuckleblobs. Yes, knuckleblobs. These knuckleblobs radiate with so much evil that horror movies contact them to produce maniac laughter sound effects, incite fear in small children, and reveal themselves in the corners of mirrors in darkened rooms. They absorb whatever is around them, process it within the confines of their malleable nodules, and suck out the color and life until it's greyscale. The more they seek out and destroy, the more powerful they are and the more nodules they grow.

______So twisted and dark, right?

Player Three Has Entered The Game
Player Three Has Entered the Game, 44"x30"
oil on paper, Painting Composition, Spring 2014

______I am absolutely enamored with working on paper; it's thick, tactically pleasing to paint on, and easy to swirl up and lug around when you're done with it. I was certain I hated painting from the bottom of my heart when this painting class started, but then the last few weeks of the semester, I moved from bloody awful gritty canvases and masonite to the smooth, seductive surface that is paper. It's a paper that's commonly used for printmaking, too, so it'll be super convenient to purchase in bulk next year to save a hearty stack o' greenbacks.

Watercharged Detail
Player Three Has Entered The Game
Player Three Has Entered The GamePlayer Three Has Entered The Game

______I wanted to thank you guys for your sweet congratulatory words and insightful ladyadvice on all my posts lately! When I read your comments, I beam like a bright little firefly and I truly can't thank everyone enough, and sometimes I even re-read them when I'm feelin' a bit down. You guys are just the darn loveliest blog frans, and I mean that from my bottom of my squishy, blood-pumpin' heart.

Monday, May 5, 2014

University Daze + RoseWholeSale

University DazeUniversity Daze

______Well, my crunchy little sea crabs, I don't know about you all, but my finals are done as a Thanksgivin' turkey! Yeeeee-frickin-haw! I only had one legit essay exam, though, in addition to turning in some art portfolios and speaking about my paintings for a humble half hour with a professor. I really had no right to complain. Since I didn't have a horrid amount of studying to do, finals week was the optimal week for lengthy bike rides around campus, and I managed 20 miles every day. Thus, my legs and arms feel like heavy stones when I shuffle about. Happy, heavy stones.

______I arrived home from universityland to a package from RoseWholeSale. They sent me over two lovely things: this snuggly grey peplum skirt and a pair of turquoise rhinestone earrings. I'm seriously appreciating the stretchiness of the skirt, plus it can be worn high or low and is woven from some sort of magical, retractable thick fabric. I call witchcraft on this one. The earrings are sturdy and not made from a cheapy plastic which is refreshing, plus they're bright and trendy. From these findings, I can say that I would indeed recommend RoseWholeSale to you guys.

University DazeUniversity Daze
University DazeUniversity Daze

______I'm starting my first art job this summer; the Department of Religious Studies hired me as their official illustrator since my take on their newsletter was a hit, and so this summer I'll be meeting with professors in order to craft up silly comic illustrations based on hip happenings in their department. Never thought I'd hear the words "Ali," "art," and "job," in the same sentence. No more lifeguard duties! No more telling people to stop drinking beer in the pool! No more dodging wasps that dive-bomb me!

______The return to summer also means that my exotic descriptions of daily life will resurface here. You know, like those high-tension encounters with drop-dead gorgeous ladies who work at Sephora, or grocery store tales, because grocery trips are always action-packed.

University DazeUniversity DazeUniversity Daze

______Why, just the other day, I accidentally selected a cart with a lumpy wheel at the grocery store, and that alone summoned an adventurous encounter. I bore with it the entire trip, stopping my cart momentarily to hunch over the grapefruits and pluck a few that had the perfect ratio of yellows to pinks. As I was hunched over them, a look of indecision plastered upon my puny face, an old lady who had noticed my noisy cart earlier moved toward me and commented, "My, don't you hate when you get a cart with a bad wheel?" She had hands like wrinkled tissue, a head full of perfectly poised marshmallow fluff, and a pearl brooch pinned to her pastel pink blazer.

______A grapefruit in each hand, I whipped my head up and lightheartedly replied, "Yes, it would make it very difficult to assassinate someone!" I smiled greatly. Needless to say, the old lady didn't appreciate my morbid sense of humor as much as I would have liked and awkwardly waddled away from me, leaving me alone with my segmented fruit.

______Hope you cool cats are having a wicked start to your summer!

University Daze

Peter pan collar top: Forever 21
Skirt: c/o RoseWholeSale
Oxford heels: Jeffrey Campbell
Rhinestone earrings: c/o RoseWholeSale
Necklace: vintage (similar)
Socks: Forever 21