Monday, July 18, 2016


______The exam room was small, square, and covered with carpet that looked like tweed plucked from a thrifted menswear's blazer. A pleasant woman told me to sit down in a squeaky grey chair to wait until the optometrist came in. I waited for a few moments, observing the clunky optometry devices and an eye test poster with letters that became smaller toward the bottom. Except instead of letters, there were pictures of mammals going from whales and dolphins to lobsters and killifish.

______Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I greeted the optometrist and we exchanged a few words. Before I knew it, she was rummaging through drawers for a few tiny bottles of liquid.

______"Now I'm going to put these drops in your eyes," the optometrist lady said ever so sweetly as she hunched over me. Her hair was short and fiery. Not losing a second, she immediately dropped a foreign substance into my already light-strained ocular passages. I blinked rapidly and my eyes involuntarily shivered in their sockets like frightened little kittens. She repeated the process three more times, and my eyes continued to weep and quiver after each chilly drop until they were puffy and red.

______"We'll let that sit for a while so you're all dilated," the eye lady said.  She rolled her chair over to a computer, leaving me with nothing more than a tissue to wipe the tears from my poor, raw eyeballs. I dabbed my eyes weakly. There was a strange yellow liquid dappled across the tissue. Blood of the dragon, I thought. I am a khaleesi. I can withstand this hardship.

______And I waited. And I waited. And I began to feel desolation, fear, and all things synonymous with apprehension creeping into the netherlands of my foggy mind. Where is this place, and what is this place, really? I heard voices, but they were not of this room; voices which exchanged cheerful words about scratchy eyes and a green bottle of contact solution. How could a man be speaking outside this square, grey room in such a cheerful tone? This was not a cheerful place.

______The lady swiveled over to me and began the next part of the eye exam. She spun a metal machine over to me and I placed my chin in its curved plastic chin holder. In what kind of place does a chin holder exist? This one, apparently. Directly in front of my bringers of vision, my seers of sight, was a rotating dood-dad that contained a series of lights. No good can come from a rotating doo-dad, I thought. Especially since the word "doo-dad" itself brings to mind piles of doo, piles of poo.

______And so the lights began to flash and rotate around my iris. Some were horizontal blue strips, some yellow and round, and one with a round, red dot in the center, but they all shared a horrendous brightness. Some flashed across my eyes quicker than strobes, and others held my gaze for a bright, painful while. When it was all over, I blinked tears and noticed that the lights in the room had multiplied by three and turned a hazy purple-pink.

______And so it was done, and my eyes were free of obstruction... minus the fact I was unable to see without squinting.

Top: ASOS (exact)
Skirt: Charlotte Russe
Necklace: Charlotte Russe
Earrings: Charming Charlie
Rings: c/o BornPretty
Quartz bracelets: local artisan
Heels: ASOS

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Starburst + BornPretty

______BornPretty sent me over some summery items recently: this braided bracelet, a polished set of midi and regular rings, and a gold metal bracelet. I've always loved the contemporary look of midi rings and these will definitely be a versatile set to mix and match with other rings. I'll wear them until my skin is as wrinkly and leathery as that of a dinosaur's. No offense to the dinosaurs; they work those wrinkles. Dinosaur commentary aside, you can get 10% off your order with code ALT10 at checkout.

______I'm still into the poofball trend. I hope it's still a trend because I'm kind of obsessed with poofballs and telling people to "touch my poofball" all the day long. How they respond is how you know whether or not you want to keep being their friend.

______I officially only have one month until my parents and I travel up to Iowa to move me in to my new apartment and studio for the next three or so years... and don't get me wrong, that's incredibly rad and I am pumped to start riding out the next phase of my life, but it's also coming on fast. I'm currently in the process of packing trinkets, bath goods, and other such miscellany.

______It's a ride on the struggle bus. Not only have I found about nine chapsticks, four dead flies with just a few remaining limbs, and a plethora of bobby pins lost from over the years, but also I'm questioning what items are worthy enough to endure the 12-hour road trip up to the corn-infested land of Iowa.

______Do I take my ceramic pumpkin teapot for shelf decor? Do I need to pack all three shades of red lipstick, or just the best one? Do I need to take only books I haven't read, or should I lug along a few favorites? How likely is it that I'll really need this many socks? How many pillows should be on my bed? Can one ever have enough pillows on their bed?

______So many questions with so few answers from the world.


______Long story short, apologies if I fall off the blog radar for the next couple of weeks; on the up side, you can always find me on the Instergrandma!

Dress: Charlotte Russe (similar)
Necklace: Charming Charlie
Braided bracelet: c/o BornPretty
Corn chain bracelet: c/o BornPretty
Rings: c/o BornPretty
Poofball hair tie: Amazon
Jelly shoes: Juju