Sunday, February 19, 2017
______Unless I am intently focused on the completion of some task, there's a gear spinning in my head reminding me of something else I could be doing at that moment. Part of this inability to be completely at ease at all times is anxiety, part of it is likely from existing in a world where you fault yourself if you're not constantly in motion, whether that be mentally or physically. It is retracing thoughts you've already had to make sure you've thought them correctly. It is making unnecessary lists and crossing things off your unnecessary list. It is a constant hum, an anxious white noise machine that spits sounds of buzzing electronics and the heightened voices of news casters arguing over one another.
______I call these things--these happenings of overthinking, of worrying, of not knowing how to chill the heck out during downtime--The Screamings™.
______I suppose The Screamings™ begin about halfway through my morning workout, the moment I wake and become something more than a tired shell of a human stumbling through her typical morning routine. You know, that moment the tea or coffee kicks in and you realize it's a new day with new checkpoints to reach.
______The Screamings™ can pertain to anything: thought-screaming scenarios that I weave in my brain, thought-screaming encounters with friends or dogs I dream of petting, thought-screaming ideas of future projects to work on in the studio, or even thought-screaming all the things I need to buy at the grocery store and their exact location within the store. If these thought-screams could be illustrated, they would be words tangled in swirling lines that swept across the page like a smudgy charcoal tornado; the paper would be cheap newsprint that'd rip a few times but could be pieced back together.
______Though my brain screams, I wouldn't be myself with it. Were I not constantly busy or thinking of things to do and make, I'd probably not be me. Better busy than stagnant...
Bralette: Alter'd State (similar)
Skirt: Urban Outfitters
Jelly shoes: Juju (similar)
Antler ring: c/o BornPretty
Braclets: c/o BornPretty
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
______Many times I've heard people say that no situation is perfect, but I find it hard to believe such a saying applies to me at this point in my life. I feel I am in a place of personal growth where I am constantly pushing limits, breaking boundaries, and other such actions with powerful verbage.
______Even if whatever task or project I am pushing through is difficult and I am living on the meager salary of a graduate student (with much help from the parents in other areas, thank goodness), things have been, well, pretty darn swell. Since I've moved to Iowa, I've found myself more comfortable with myself and my surroundings, no matter how unfamiliar they once were and still currently are; I also feel I have a greater understanding with the work I am producing in the studio, even if it constantly stresses me out and twists my dreams into anxious ordeals. Being alone with myself is more of a solitudinous treat to enjoy than a feeling of emptiness that overwhelms.
______I'm feeling more content than I have ever known before, even with the stress I put on myself, minus maybe that one time my grandma fed me an Oreo when I was small and I discovered my life-long passion for all things sweet and chocolatey. But the stress is good stress, because it's stress about the things I care about. Were it not, I'm sure a little grey raincloud would be following me around, dumping and dripping its rain all over me.
______That being said, I know I am thankful for all that I have now and will continue to have through graduate school, no matter what scholastic hardships I may face...
______Appreciation of life aside, BornPretty sent me another round of gold-coated items: this uniquely-designed antler ring, these dangling teardrop leaf earrings, a delicate branch bracelet, and a bracelet with rows and rows of glittering rhinestones. I'm always fond of their bracelet selection, especially the delicate pieces which are perfect for adding subtle detail on outfits which already have a solid amount of bling in them--such as this glitzy mesh top and sparkly tights.
______And as usual, you can get 10% off your purchase at BornPretty with the code ALT10.
Mesh top: Urban Outfitters (exact)
Skirt: Urban Outfitters (similar)
Boots: Jeffrey Campbell
Necklace: Nasty Gal
Rhinestone bracelet: c/o BornPretty
Leaf bracelet: c/o BornPretty
Earrings: c/o BornPretty
Antler ring: c/o BornPretty