Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Ice Ice Princess
______"Ice Ice Princess" is by far the most unsuitable title for this post, mainly because it is currently sixty-seventy degrees in the land of Alabama as I scribble these words. There is no ice for me to princess in. There may never be any. For all we know, ice is a theory yet to be proven in the state of Alabama during November. Nonexistent. A myth, just like Big Foot and gluten-free bread that doesn't taste like your great grandma's mothball-covered prom dress.
______My mom was quick to note the impossibility of me ever being an ice princess as we hopped into the stuffy, sauna-like interior of the car to drive off and take these photos. She said I would have to settle with being the melting princess instead. I suppose I could be that. I'm not picky as long as I can be princess of some kind of imaginary kingdom. Princess of Various Meltable Things? Sure, I'm game.
______That means I would have power over all sorts of items with a melting point, like ice cream cones, bags of ice, grilled cheeses, and sugary candies like gummy worms and tootsie pops. I would also have power over candle wax and chocolate. So much better than being able to do snowy stuff, right? Elsa has nothing on me. Esla? I never watched Frozen. I'm a terrible person.
______I could also make the argument that I could make hearts melt, but in a literal sense, that seems inhumane. And even in a metaphorical sense, probably not possible. So we're going to stick with the happy, non-twisted mind stuff!
______I feel like being able to melt chocolate would come in handy during the holidays when dessert-based baking is at its prime. Similarly, melting cheeses and a variety of other gooey foods could be convenient on a day-to-day basis. But if we're being completely honest here, and you guys know how I like to be honest, being the melting princess would be completely useless and I'd need a real day job.
______I couldn't even be an evil melting princess--I mean, what would I do? Melt children's candy during Halloween? Melt the plastic on cartons of milk in the grocery store, thus causing an inconvenient spill for employees? I guess I could melt those big metal doors in banks and steal all their money, but I would feel like a big jerk afterwards. And also that's illegal. Committing a crime just wouldn't sit well with me.
______I just couldn't be a meanie jerk head melting princess. I just couldn't.
______All right, kiddos. If you could be princess/prince/ultimate overlord of anything in the world, what would it be?
Top: Charlotte Russe (similar)
Fur vest: Charlotte Russe (similar styles)
Skirt: Urban Outfitters (exact)
Booties: Jeffrey Campbell
Necklace: Charming Charlie
Earrings: Charming Charlie
Bunny ring: Claire's