Impractical Lumberjack Outfit

______Firstly, a big shoutout to Momma Hval for taking these photos! She always takes my photos and is a super trouper about it. She was all snuggled up her in green rain jacket taking these photos while being spit on by grey storm clouds while I was under an awning. You're the real MVP, Momma. I don't even know what MVP stands for, but I'm nearly certain it's a compliment. Macaroni Value Product? Most Voluptuous Princess? Marshmallow Volcano Pokemon? I mean, a Google search would let me know, but I like a little mystery in my life.




______I always get a little irritated when I get too comfortable with what I am producing art-wise.

______Which seems like a strange thing to get peeved about, but think about it: if you are not in motion, not improving, not moving some distance (even if you trip and fall backwards), where are you really going? It's like running on a treadmill and expecting to get to Beijing. You're making progress in numbers, but not really going anywhere. Nuh-uh. No China for you.

______I think it's great to have a clear path of where you're going and to finish what you start, especially if that means getting a few pieces of work in the same vein to relate to one another; however, I think it becomes dangerous when you exhaust whatever technique you're trying to perfect to the point where it seems obvious and repetitious. Because that can happen. Maybe three or four works are all you need to get the point across opposed to twenty that deplete its initial power. Or maybe a bunch of smaller ones are. It's all about the planning, I guess. And I'm getting better at that: the planning.




______In art school we were taught that when you kept doing the same thing over and over again, repeating the same process of making, the process became less special, and you weren't particularly growing. You were too comfortable. You weren't conjuring new processes, ways of mark-making, or differentiating aesthetic and conceptual thoughts. There's a delicate balance between finding something new and staying in line with your previous work.

______But that would be the game of it all: finding that balance and walking its line very, very carefully. Like a bug on a wire. Like a fly on tracing its hairy fly legs along the petal of a frosting rose. Like a bumblebee whizzing through enemy-bee territory. Because that's a thing and bees probably have wars a lot more than you realize. Or maybe they don't, and it's not my bzzzzzzz-ness.

______Welp, I've made the horrible bee pun and need to stop talking now. Peace.



Plaid shirtdress: SteinMart (similar)
Boots: BCBG (similar)
Collar necklace: Charming Charlie (similar)
Bracelets: not listing them all sorrry
Socks: frick man they're black socks

Solidarity

 

_______I've been in a more-than-obvious slump for the past few days. Okay, the past few weeks.

_______I try not to publicly admit to ever feeling down because I feel like there's absolutely no logical reason for me to feel remotely burdened in any way; besides, I'd hate to project anything other than a happy image online. Getting recurring cases of the blues makes no sense for me. I have no deep struggles. I'm in an antsy, post-college transitional stage, sure, but that's nothing to get weepy-eyed about. I get self-conscious about my appearance on a daily basis, maybe even an hourly one, but I'm assuming that happens because I have nothing better to worry about, and so I've gotta worry about something, man.

_______So I guess my brain gets a little pissy that it can't get pissy over anything and says, "Why not critique the body and face that stare back at you in the mirror?"




_______I've been biking a lot more ever since I hooked up with the local dads two months ago and my body has changed as a result of that. I haven't changed my diet at all, just been climbing up bigger hills, riding at a faster pace, and going longer distances, i.e. around 160 miles a week opposed to the previous 80. In turn, that's made my butt a lot bigger (J-Lo ain't got nothin' on this) and my thighs now have these things called "muscles." From someone who was used to being a slim Jim stick, it's a new change for me. But at the same time, I'm trying to accept it because the other week, the local dads and I rode a 66 mile-long trail in four hours--something I would have never fathomed a year ago.



_______Some three years ago, though, I used to be too skinny for my own good; I weighed in less than at less than 105lbs (at 5'7") and got light-headed from walking up a flight of stairs, standing for too long, and even when I took showers. I remember being hungry and tired all the time my first two years of college. I suppose it's difficult for me to look back on my blog pictures and see a skinnier version of me and think she's better than the one that stands in front of a camera today. But I know that wasn't the happiest or most efficient version of me, and maybe the current version of me isn't that, either, but I suppose life is about finding the best version of you.

_______Phew. That was a lot to let out. Next week, I promise you guys a silly story. Maybe about goats! Promise!



Dress: Charlotte Russe
Heels: GoJane, circa 4 yrs ago (they're rip-off Jeffrey Campbells)
Necklace: Charming Charlie (similar)
Earrings: Charming Charlie (almost exact)
Hair: styled by the majestic momma Hval

Fairy It Out

______When in doubt, ya'll, fairy it out. Studies have shown that fairying it out can pierce the sky with sunlight even on the dreariest of days. I don't care how cheesy it sounds or how many girls have audaciously plastered it on their fluffy, bedazzled fashion blogs, but it's true--a cute outfit with plenty of sparkles and heels just instantly boosts your mood. I'm embracing all things societally-deemed feminine both now and in the future.

______I'm finding this embrace of the fairy life odd because prior to a year ago, I used to shy away from the color pink, things with too much lace, and lipstick; looking back, spikes, studs, and black voids were in my wardrobe's vocabulary. But now I've reached a level of "@^&* it" and embraced the happy, girly things that I adored as a wee nugget. Cheesy nostalgia, here I come.




______Besides fairying it out, though, I'd say biking and baking make me happy, too. There's something about saving thousands of different chocolate chip cookie recipes I'll never get around to baking in my Safari's favorites that makes me content. One day I'm sure I'll go back through them, whip them up, and leave a tiny pile of flour in the southernmost corner of my mother's kitchen which prompts her tell me she never wants me to bake in her kitchen again. Then I'll send the completed goods to my brother who can eat as much as he wants and stay trim as a beanpole. But I'll be sure to eat the dough, because if something is unbaked, it doesn't have calories.

______Remember that. And if anyone tells you otherwise, use the chloroform on 'em.

______What's your go-to happy pill?



Flower crown: exact
Lipstick: Hourglass
Earrings: Charming Charlie
Rings: Charming Charlie
Dress: ??? (similar)
Heels: ASOS