Thursday, October 8, 2015



_______I've been in a more-than-obvious slump for the past few days. Okay, the past few weeks.

_______I try not to publicly admit to ever feeling down because I feel like there's absolutely no logical reason for me to feel remotely burdened in any way; besides, I'd hate to project anything other than a happy image online. Getting recurring cases of the blues makes no sense for me. I have no deep struggles. I'm in an antsy, post-college transitional stage, sure, but that's nothing to get weepy-eyed about. I get self-conscious about my appearance on a daily basis, maybe even an hourly one, but I'm assuming that happens because I have nothing better to worry about, and so I've gotta worry about something, man.

_______So I guess my brain gets a little pissy that it can't get pissy over anything and says, "Why not critique the body and face that stare back at you in the mirror?"


_______I've been biking a lot more ever since I hooked up with the local dads two months ago and my body has changed as a result of that. I haven't changed my diet at all, just been climbing up bigger hills, riding at a faster pace, and going longer distances, i.e. around 160 miles a week opposed to the previous 80. In turn, that's made my butt a lot bigger (J-Lo ain't got nothin' on this) and my thighs now have these things called "muscles." From someone who was used to being a slim Jim stick, it's a new change for me. But at the same time, I'm trying to accept it because the other week, the local dads and I rode a 66 mile-long trail in four hours--something I would have never fathomed a year ago.


_______Some three years ago, though, I used to be too skinny for my own good; I weighed in less than at less than 105lbs (at 5'7") and got light-headed from walking up a flight of stairs, standing for too long, and even when I took showers. I remember being hungry and tired all the time my first two years of college. I suppose it's difficult for me to look back on my blog pictures and see a skinnier version of me and think she's better than the one that stands in front of a camera today. But I know that wasn't the happiest or most efficient version of me, and maybe the current version of me isn't that, either, but I suppose life is about finding the best version of you.

_______Phew. That was a lot to let out. Next week, I promise you guys a silly story. Maybe about goats! Promise!


Dress: Charlotte Russe
Heels: GoJane, circa 4 yrs ago (they're rip-off Jeffrey Campbells)
Necklace: Charming Charlie (similar)
Earrings: Charming Charlie (almost exact)
Hair: styled by the majestic momma Hval


Frannie Pantz said...

Girl. That's life! And I hate to be nonchalant or unsupportive or cliche but we ALLLLLLLL feel like that. You would think that after having a baby FOUR TIMES I would get it that my body is going to change and somehow I feel like everytime has been worse than before--bodywise. I know how you feel is what I am trying to not so eloquently say. But take it from me, an outsider--you are GORGEOUS! And many women (myself included) would kill for dem legs. Love and hugs to you! And don't ever worry about being sad via the e-webs. We all do that too. And those who don't--should.

Also those heels--get it girl!!!!!

Rachel said...

I've been feeling down the last few days--but I know exactly why. I've been coughing up a lung and being sick always makes me angry. Come on sickness, just leave me alone already!
I'm another one of those 'sticks', but thankfully my body seems to like where it's at now. When I'm not sick, I'm working regular exercise into my day and I'm feeling healthier and stronger than I've been ever in my memory, so I'm really grateful for that! (Then sickness comes, and in between working times all I feel like doing is sleeping, ugggh)

Isti Sugiharti said...

OMG! So pretty! Would you like to folloe each other? :D

Linda said...

Lovely photos and outfit! Very well coordinated! :)

Isti Sugiharti said...

I followed your blog. I hope you followed mine :D
And I don't use Bloglovin' hehehe

The Dragonfruit said...

No! No no no! *smacks Ali with love*

I know you've had your struggles, and it's very hard not to fall back into them, but be proud of those muscles! Be proud of that fabulous gluteous maximus you've got! Because hell, 160 mile a week? You're superwoman as far as I'm concerned.
Your abilities (paired with those fair looks to boot) makes you so beautiful Ali. Don't ever forget that!

Anyway, I hope your angst moves on from attacking your body image. That's one of the suckiest things to fight. Which, of course, we usually fight a bit of every day.

Aha, and yeah, projecting purely happy posts all the time would be exhausting. Glad you can still be real with us about what's going on - and know that we'll always rally to your side to cheer you up! At least, as much as internet people can xD
Sending many virtual hugs!!

The Dragonfruit Diaries
I'm on the Tube!

Jamie Rose D. said...

Having muscle is the best and I think it just makes a person look healthier because - well, they more than likely are. You look great! And hooray for the epic biking. I need to get in shape...

Anyway, this dress looks amazing on you and these shoes are the coolest ever. They look like Candyland. The licorice part. Maybe I'm imagining that but I think it was a thing.

Jamie |

Kristian said...

The dress+shoes make your legs look a million miles long, and I love how the necklace and shoes seem to compliment each other.

On a more serious note, I find it very brave of you to discuss body image online like this. I hope things start feeling more up. Sometimes depression- even just brief moods of it- happen for no reason, and I think post-college trying to figuring things out, that it can especially happen then. If it helps, know all your readers are cheering you on :)

Lily Fang said...

Oh, Ali--I totally understand how you feel. It's difficult for me to talk about my struggles on my blog sometimes because I don't want people to think I'm fishing for reassurance or just being depressing. But I think it's so important to be vulnerable and write just whatever has been on my mind--it makes blogging that much deeper and meaningful.

I've experienced a similar transformation recently--after getting into biking, I've noticed stretch marks on my inner thighs, a sure sign that my legs, which I already consider athletically thick, are getting even bigger (swoler? buffer? haha). But I know that my body is just adapting so that I can keep pushing on and tackling new challenges. I may not fit the modern ideal, but the things I'm doing are far from ordinary--just look at you, Ali, logging hundreds of miles! I think that we tend to be so self-critical, because I think you look killer. I love the simplicity and balance of classic colors and silhouettes with a twist.

Sending hugs and the best of wishes!

imperfect idealist

LyddieGal said...

Ahh, it's always hard to look back at the younger versions of ourselves and ponder who was better off, but you should embrace your new athletic build and never stop loving the body you have, because you are just as gorgeous now as ever.

Post college life is hard, it takes a long time to figure things out, and sometimes a little wallowing is necessary. Just try to remember what your goals are and what makes you happy.
Chic on the Cheap

Rebecca said...

Well I think we all have those times where we feel a little down. So I hope you feel more like yourself again soon. The biking sounds like fun!
I love your gorgeous outfit and those fun heels are perfect!


Odelette said...

So Unique shoes!

Sabrina Ahmed said...

Love the combination of black and red on this outfit! Very classy but still exhibits sexiness. :)


Tanya W. said...

Such a darling look. Love the popped up color:). Love your pretty hair:).


jess said...

Sorry about your slump. I've been feeling similar. I've gained some weight going from an active job to one that isn't very active. It's rough when your body changes. On a brighter note, I love the shape of those heels they remind me of a unicorn horn.

Caramella said...

No need to feel self conscious because you are BEAUTIFUL!!! :))

Amy Nelson said...

I appreciate your honesty. I think as bloggers, we feel the need to portray a "happy light" to those who are reading. We don't want to seem like naysayers or privileged folks complaining about the little things. We want to inspire and give hope to those who visit our space on the web.

The truth is, we're all human beings! I believe sorrow is as much a part of living as happiness is. Flowers need more than sunlight to grow strong. When reading a post like this, it makes me feel grateful to know I am not alone!

There are many days where I feel the same way as you do now. I try to grow poems out of it and appreciate the good days that much more. You are a beautiful girl and the red in your outfit makes you appear so confident!

Believe in yourself. It's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but we're only here for a short while. Might as well enjoy what we can while we can! :) xo

<3 Amy

SaraLily said...

What an epic pair of shoes!! I have such a soft spot for a clean black outfit with pops of color - especially red!!! =D