Monday, February 1, 2016
______Sometimes, we ladies (and men as well) find ourselves in the sticky situation of being asked out by a person we would much rather not be asked out by. So here are ten tips to make light of the situation and say "no" without causing any hard feelings.
______1. Tell him you're moving to a very far-away country. If he asks why, narrow your eyes and coyly respond with, "They told me you'd ask that." Light a smoke bomb. Place it slowly on the ground between you and the askeree. Dash away freakishly as a plume of vibrant smoke saturates the air. The pretty colors will distract from the pain of rejection.
______2. Say that it would never be able to work between you two because he looks too much like your brother/cousin/dog/favorite television character who was killed off in season four.
______3. Begin burping the alphabet. If he hasn't left by the time you reach the letter "Z," reconsider your choice. He may be the one.
______4. Just start crying.
______5. Decline politely. Curtesy, pivot on one heel, and skip away whilst humming the Star Wars Imperial March theme.
______6. Look up and stare at the sky until he finally does the same. Tell him, "I fear the stars say no."
______7. Point out to him how you want to start having babies within the next six months. And lots of them. A wildly ridiculous amount. To the point where you have your own TV show about it. Show as much enthusiasm as you can about an such inane amount of babies as possible.
______8. Tell him you have a freakish appetite for garlic and a kink for breathing on people after consuming large portions of it.
______9. Enthusiastically let him know that your seven poisonous snakes would absolutely love to meet him. Tell him one got loose in the apartment this morning, but it always did that. It only bites people with hair that is (insert his hair color here).
______10. Keep smiling and blinking and shaking your head "no."
______11. If he asks you to dinner, tell him you've already eaten. If he asks you another night, tell him you've already planned to eat that night, too. And the next. And so on and so forth. You have a very strict diet. You only eat salted fish eggs, string potatoes, and kelp. In that order.
______But honestly, the best way to say no is to straight up say no. Giggles and shits aside, it's definitely the hardest to spit out, but it is the most effective. Most importantly, don't ever ask me for dating or relationship advice. I know nothing and strongly advise against performing any or all of these responses.
______Oh okay, lighting a colorful smoke bomb and trying to escape would be pretty comical. That's one of which I do approve.
Skirt: Moon Collection, via Modcloth
Oxford heels: Jeffrey Campbell
Bow ring: Charming Charlie
Star ring: c/o BornPretty (ALT10 for 10% off)
Adjustable rock bracelet: c/o BornPretty