Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Ever Present, Ever Demanding


______I've always wondered how much less complicated life would be if art wasn't a part of it.

______If creating something wasn't constantly plaguing my mind. If I wasn't drawn in by the way a color engaged another color and the relationship they produced. If I wasn't seduced by the alluring sheen of fabrics and the way they shift and change like oceans' tides, always the same material but infinite in their potential. If I lived my life as someone who never dabbled in anything pertaining to the arts ever.

______But I know I could never be that. I know if I didn't produce something substantial at the end of each day, I'd feel as accomplished as the lone yellow Skittle that everyone probably has wedged between the two seats of their couch cushions. Whether through writing, photography, or textiles, I have this desperate, clawing, grasping at the air need to create.


______The want to make is subtle most days, vaguely present on the mind, but more overwhelming and needy on others. You'll be in prime blogging mode when it creaks open the door and slides in.

______"Hey, babe," it whispers huskily, leaning against the door frame. Personified, it's a male model balancing a silver platter of assorted chocolates in one hand and a golden retriever puppy in the other. You can't help but have your attention taken by its presence (mostly because of the dog, let's be honest here).

______"How 'bout you and I spend the evening together," it coaxes in that same nuanced voice. I'm trying to write, you think, but it carries on: "And the next evening. And the next one. And every hour of your existence while we're at it. Also if you don't give me all the attention in the world, I'll probably kill you and your family and stuff."

______And of course you don't say no to a man with a six-pack, a soft dog, and chocolates. Especially if he threatens to kill you. I mean, uh, you don't say no to art.

______It's a metaphor. Shut up. I'm not lonely.

______So you sigh, close your laptop, and get to work. Because if you don't, you'll probably die. Honest!


______Art is romantic but it's exhausting. It's always begging for attention, always demanding more out of you, always leering over your shoulders and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. It reminds you that if you're not climbing up and pushing conceptual and aesthetic boundaries, you're at a standstill. It makes you push the limits of the grid you've created for yourself, pave new territories, tap into unknown areas that walk the line of those familiar to you, make everything grander, better, more efficient, more pleasing to the eyes. And accomplishing the aforementioned requires feeding your soul at all times. It requires thinking, double-thinking, over-thinking, thinking to the nth degree. And it asks that you absorb as much information as possible, whether art related or that peculiar interest you have in the history of rug weaving. Because everything is important and everything is necessary in some way.

______Because everything pertains to you and you are the only vessel which can spur your creations.


______Art is a greedy thing.

______It makes you feel whole and gives you purpose, but it also drains you and reminds you of the less-than-emphasized role it plays in our culture. There are ups and downs to devoting so much energy to creating, but you can't imagine your life without it. You bawl over the tiniest of art-related decisions, over starting new projects, over wondering where the hell creating these things is taking you in life, over what color fabric to pick next. For god's sake, it's just fabric, you think. But it's important somehow.

______You have mini existentialist crises that make you question why, why, why am I making this. Why am I still doing this? What is the purpose of all of this? And then when you try to quit thinking about it, you feel a certain guilt. There's so much work to do, your mind nags. There's always something to be done. It requires silence, patience, a sharp dedication. Though there's a dreamy air to it, it's as much of a grind as anyone else's job. Why worry about death when you can worry about art?

______I guess I've been working at balancing art and everyday life, but at this point in my experiences, I believe the two are attempting to merge into a single entity. Like art and my life are engaged but unsure if it's too soon to share an apartment. Ugh, just get it together, you two.

______What keeps you up at night?

Dress: KnowStyle (similar)
Boots: Korks
Socks: F21
Necklace: Nasty Gal
Earrings: Charming Charlie
Chain Bracelet: Charming Charlie (similar)



I love your dress, it's such a bold and beautiful style too. Art (design, and creating) in general has been such an essential part of my life, it gives me sustenance, so I could never be without it. Have a lovely week dear. <3 /Madison
Lavender Biscuits




LyddieGal said...

It's true, art is always demanding, but when it's in you, and you embrace it, it's the most wonderful thing. Be grateful for those demanding voices, they always get you to put forth your best work.
Chic on the Cheap

Keit said...

I am completely foreign to art and I'm the opposite of an art person, but believe it or now I know what you mean! And btw, your metaphor reminded me of Fifty shades of gray for some twisted reason! :D Any who, Allie, if you like what you are doing, do it. Sometimes I feel exhausted by the stupid blog, takes a lot of time and effort, but I love it, I love draining my energy for it. Life is the little things, and if your little thing (well maybe not that little) is creating art and expressing yourself, then it's all worthwhile. If it makes you happy, then devote your life to it, and try your best to remove all the stress from it, because in my humble opinion, once something starts giving you more negative emotions than positive then it's time to let it go for a while. What I'm trying to say is, do what makes you happy!

Keit said...

Ooopsie, forgot to mention the outfit. I love leopard prints right now and this dress totally made me swoon!

Frannie Pantz said...

You might be plagued by art, but you are also very blessed in that talent! I can't really create for anything. I can copy, but not create. I know it's a bother but try to see the positive--you can make such cool stuff and write in such cool ways (and metaphors!) and dress in such lovely combinations!

Kathryn said...

Basically the whole time I was reading this I was saying "Yessss!". You have such great writing, girl! Also loving your outfit, those boots are perfection.

Nami said...

Well said, my dear, well said!

Ivana Split said...

Your words sure do resonate with me...I wrote something similar a while back and titled it 'What do I talk about when I talk about Painting'---obvious refrence to the famous short story (what do we talk about when we talk about love).

People have this romantic notion about art, they don't understand how hard it can be sometimes, how much our soul craves for rest, for being able to conecrate on something as banal as seeing TV...how nerve racking is to have this impulse to create at all times and having to be your own editor and critic...and having to find time for it when all you want is rest but you can't....so, I do think I understand what how it is.

you look spectacular in that leo dress...awesome shoes to match!!!


Sarah Albertson said...

Love that dress! And gah, art. I do quite often get that immense feeling that I need to create something, but what?! Your words are wonderful!

Natassia said...

I love these kind of wild animal print dresses! Looking good in this one! :)

And yes, I actually have this with all the things I do.. making music, fashion photography, my science research at my job.. I want to create and be creative! But that also means my brains almost never get a break. Ah.. such is life, I guess! :-P

YouTube | Blog: Geekette in High Heels | Instagram

Jamie Rose D. said...

I feel like anything you really put your heart into can become that thing that nags you to keep doing it or else you're wasting time and not getting enough done. Sometimes it's hard to just relax and know that it's okay to not be productive 100% of your waking hours. I think your art creating is awesome though and you're at a perfect time in life to be making tons of art without worrying about much else.

Also this outfit is super fantastic! I love your leopard print dress and the wedge boots you paired with it. Your jewelry is all gorgeous too.

Jamie | PetitePanoply.com

Rachel said...

I can definitely relate to this, though my art tends to lie in slightly different realms than yours. I thrive on being productive, on having something at the end of each day made that didn't exist before. Lately I've been doing a lot of hairstyles and haircuts since I'm back with the 6 sisters. Otherwise it's something with words or with needle and thread and lately, I'm finding that teaching requires a lot of creativity--producing 'artistic' lesson plans that create interest and provide opportunities to learn is something that really satisfies my particular brand of creative itch. No wonder I love my job.

Rebecca Harasym said...

Art and life are hard to balance but I think art is very important! I love your outfit! That dress is so sweet and I love it worn with those adorable booties!


Francesca said...

Wow this was really beautiful Ali! I liked your metaphor for art, I can see how that would be true pertaining to anything that consumes your mind. I'm not an artist so I don't really get lured in by art, but this post really helped me understand how much art means to you! I can relate however to being lured in by things and consumed by the feeling that there is always something to be done and that you can't waste any time. Anyways, you look gorgeous and that dress is awesome! :)


The Dragonfruit said...

The fact that you made art a stud that sucks you into a tireless relationship shows what an artist you are, Ali! Haha, and envisioning the scene of Art suggestively taking you away from blogging xD YOU NEED TO MAKE A BOOK OF METAPHORS! I feel like I've told you this before, but I'm gonna keep telling you until it happens. Then you and Marlen can go live life as cool artsy authors and I can claim I know famous people :D

Anyway, the drive to create is a rare and beautiful thing when its combined with diligence and passion. Keep sticking with it Ali and never give it up. You've made beautiful things, and to be able to say that is a huge accomplishment. I know, it's difficult in this world and society to feel very accomplished in the art world. It seems as if there's no middle ground here. Either you're nobody or you're at the top of the tiers and a world re-known artist. And I believe you could be the latter. In my mind, you already are! <3

Love youuuu and your awesome leopard dress. So fierce!

The Dragonfruit Diaries
Check out my YouTube channel too!

Midwest Muse said...

I feel like what you wrote also seriously applies to anything that requires creative creating. I feel this way about my writing and anything I'm super passionate about. I guess if we didn't feel like that then we wouldn't have the desire or need to create.

Also this is a wonderful outfit. I love how you played with the very fitted formal style dress and paired it with edgier shoes/socks and added a pony tail. Basically, it's my dream outfit. I am always trying to dress down fancy pieces and you did a perfect job!

Katie Aman said...

Ali, your writing is legitimately wonderful. I'm not an artist in the sense that you are, but I feel like I have a similar creative personality because I identified with much that you wrote here. I've been stuck for the past few years at jobs that I dislike and I so badly want to make a living doing something that feeds into my creativity. Why is that so hard when you become and adult?!
Thank you for your wonderfully sweet comments lately, I've been so removed from the internet, but it always puts a smile on my face to read a note from you! :)
Hope you have a wonderful 4th of July my dear! :D

Lily Fang said...

I can't help but laugh at your witty metaphors every single time--they're so unexpected but perfect. The yellow skittle one really got me. I also resonated strongly with many of your thoughts, but applied to running. The most moving interests and passions are ones that prompt us to think hard, stare it down face to face, redefine our direction. I question often why I run when I'm in the middle of a hard workout, but all those thoughts disappear after a fulfilling long run or race. It's almost like a cat and mouse chase. And oddly enough, the things we love most can cause us the most pain--such as creativity blocks for art, or injuries for running. And cause identity crises when they're gone. That's how we know they really matter.

Your outfit is also absolutely glam--I have a similar leopard print dress, and I love this one too. That gold jewelry really tops it off.

Wishing you the best holiday weekend!

imperfect idealist

angelina said...

You're such an amazing writer! I do have occasional moment where I feel the way you do, but I've never felt so strongly the need to create. I wish I did, because I probably be a lot better if I practiced more! Anyways, the way you write is so captivating, and I can almost feel it. Keep it up! (:

Also - has anyone ever said you look like Blake Lively? I think it's the ponytail!

Angelina Is

Laila said...

I love your dress! I often feel the way you do, except with writing songs. Which is why I spend most of my time writing songs..!! I think creative people have to answer their creative urges, because one day you may wake up and they're gone. And then what have you got to remember them? X

Kristian said...

I feel that way about my work (I teach elementary students and often stress about if I'm doing all I can for them all the time)too. I think that is natural though when you find something you can be passionate about.

Anyway, love this unexpected pop of color presented by your socks which lends a fun late 90s vibe to things.

Laura Jones said...

even though art can be demanding i'm sure life without it wouldn't be less complicated. and it definitely wouldn't be better! also, that dress looks incredible on you, and all your jewellery is lovely too! :-) xx

E said...

Things that you're passionate about tend to be all-consuming, but nobody said that was a bad thing! I've been enjoying seeing snippets of your pieces on instagram :-)

District of Chic

Abigail Castro said...

That dress is gorgeous!! Love it on you :)

Abby of Life in the Fash Lane

monica hein said...

I would see myself wearing this with a nice leather jacket ( i know its to warm for it now but later ,,... fall time) :)