Monday, June 10, 2013

Always One More Canyon to Explore


______I don't know about you guys, but I'm always planning out little conversations and comebacks in my head for all sorts of situations that could unexpectedly pop up and smack me in the face.  That way, if the day where I am pulled over by a police car ever does come, I'll be ready for it, charm and wit in one hand, dashing decent looks and every ounce of confidence in the other.

______So let's pretend that day has finally come, shall we?  That day when suddenly, piercing blue lights appear in my rear view window, causing my heart to sink and my stomach to churn a thousand shades of panic.


______Like a cautious turtle on a traffic infested road, I ease my car to the pavement's edge.  I roll my window down and keep my hands firmly on the steering wheel--ain't nothing sketchy here!  Just a female in her convertible beetle bug, the most innocuous of cars.

______Alright, Ali, you got this!  You're not going to get a ticket, no way.  If all comes to worst and your winning personality suddenly can't handle it anymore, just cry.  Cry a river.  Cry a lake.  Cry the saltiest sea of all, and feign immense sorrow and regret, and hope the police officer has a soft spot for desolate young females who are simply trying to find their place in life.

______I hear a door open and close swiftly, followed immediately by the crackling sound of footsteps on gravel; it sounds like bubble wrap popping and it is growing louder, getting closer.  Cars make sudden whooshing noises as they speed by.  Crunch, crunch, pop.  The police officer is unfazed by the vehicles racing closely alongside him.  He feels empowered by his physical proximity to them.  Snap, crackle, pop.  The Rice Krispie elves might be summoned soon if he takes any longer to make it to my car.  Crunch, crunch.  I am getting hungry for Rice Krispie treats.  Crunch.


______Already, I sense that the policeman has no fear.  He crunches rocks with ease.  I catch a glimpse of him in the mirror and see a tall, uniformed man decked out in sleek cop gadgets.  His mirrored aviators make him feel strong, mysterious, hidden within himself, though clearly present.  He finally approaches my window and peers over his mirrored sunglasses at me.  I see a twisted, curved reflection of myself in them--exactly what I must be in this moment.

______His brow creases and he says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

______Here it is.  Now is time for my response.  Do or die.

______I muster up my courage and liquify it into words, replying quickly, "Is it because you are a police officer who wanted to put my heart under cardiac arrest?"  I snicker to myself because I am so witty and thought of this utterly clever pick-up line all by my hilarious self.  Goddamn!  I think.  I will get out of this so easily.  Nobody can resist the charm of Ali Hval.

______Mr. Cop-Man grins slightly and releases one of those laughs that is really just air blowing through the nose, but stops himself immediately and pauses.  He warily takes a step back.  He, a police officer, has revealed an emotion on duty.  He has shown that there is indeed a human beyond his fortified exterior, one who can laugh and be surprised and possibly even choke back a tear at the end of a touching episode of Blue's Clues.  Faltering upon the revelation of his humanity, he falls silent.  What will I say?  He thinks.  There is nothing left for me to say.

______In his mind, he plays back the two most important rules he learned in cop camp about being a successful cop on duty:
______Rule one: thou shalt purge thyself of human emotions
______Rule two: stop eating donuts on the job; it's giving us a bad rep

______The second one was difficult enough.  He should have been an Iron Chef, just like he had dreamed throughout his high school years.  Then not only could he be the emotion-laden man he truly was, but he could also eat all the donuts in public he wanted.  Heck, he could make his own donuts, ones polished with sweet glazes and pumped full of chokecherry jelly.  But no, he chose the life of a policeman, which simultaneously crumbled his zealous dreams of becoming a small-town pastry chef.  Doubting his life choices, and suddenly spiraling into some semblance of a mid-life crisis, the policeman self-combusts as swiftly as the Pokémon Voltorb.

______I roll up my window and drive away.  I am ready.


Dress: Ross Dress for Less ($8!)
Socks: Target
Heels: Chelsea Crew
Necklace: Charming Charlie
Purse: Ralph Lauren
Ring: pressie


Avi Valencia said...

The history really made me laugh. You can handle any cop ;D I am so afraid! Sometimes I know what I will say but I don't think I can handle. it.

And about your outfit, it is super cute :D and love the the blue dress with the shoes.

LyddieGal said...

Ohhh this made me laugh so much, although it was mostly just air blowing through my nose.

I too wonder how I might ever handel this situation should it ever arrise. I think I'd probably just start crying, but not out of choice, that is just what would happen, uncontrollably.

I don't think I could manage to be cute or witty! But I hope you do!

thanias said...

Hahahaha your story is funny as :))

Btw you look really gorge in that dress ;)


Sammi said...

Love this dress! The cut is fantastic, and who among us can resist polka dots?? You are hysterical, and such a wonderful writer. And you're right: no cop could resist your charm!

xox Sammi

Alyssa Molin-Graves said...

Hahaha love this little "coversation". I was pulled over once for not having my seat-belt on, talk about crying a river. I was shaking, crying, pretty sure a few of the Great Lakes fell out of my eyes that day..I was a wreck. The worst part was that I absolutely had no clue that I forgot to "click it or ticket" until I saw those blue lights...I had only been in the car a few minutes and had been in a rush to work and totally "just forgot". Not anymore, haha! I had ice pick headaches for a week afterwards, gah. lol. Love this outfit on you Ali, the polka dots are so much fun and I LOVE blue and red together, so complimentary and such a classic pairing! You look amazing!! xo


La mela di Biancaneve said...

Red necklace ! J love its...

Linda Becaca said...

Omgsh...the reference to Voltorb's explosion just made my day...bahaha! No one could resist your wit Miss Ali :D I was reading this and actually thinking " she imaginging this scenario or did it really happen?" Haha, you had me in the story so deep I was starting to question that!
Anyway, I love your awesome sock collection and how you always wear them so effortlessly. I feel the same way when people say "I wish I could pull that off," about my outfits. Its like, um, you can. Just wear it. Haha!

Trendy Teal

Dressed with soul said...

You are so funny :) And you´re so talented in writing, too! But to be honest I´m absolutely sure that you never ever will have some problems with police because each policemen will melt if they had a look on you <3

Great dress, you´re so beautiful!

xx from Bavaria, Rena

Erin Brown said...

Loving this polka dot dress!


Lily said...

Ali! You are always so hilarious haha. I honestly do the same thing though--I imagine scenarios and witty things to say in response. Because the worst thing is walking away froma situation and having something perfect come to mind!

I'm on a weird computer now (those clunky hotel ones) so I can only see one photo, but your polka dot dress is perfect and that bright necklace compliments it so well!

Sonia De Macedo said...

Hehehe I hope that works, things never work out for me, the last time I even cried - legitimately too and I was innocent and thought he let me go but then received a stupid fine in the mail. P***!


Jacqueline said...

yes! lovely outfit, and i often plan conversations too, and with your wit, you'd charm the pants off anyone. (if that is what you desired, otherwise, pants would stay on) xoxo

Keit said...

Bahahahahaha, you go girl!!!!! :D
You made me choke on my coffee, btw :D Hilarious!
Oh man, I do these conversations in my head waay to often, but when the moment comes and I spit out my memorized comebacks, suddenly they seem pretty dumb and awkward :D

Dress and socks-perfect!

Imogen said...

I am so similar with planning out conversations in my head...and I LOVE polka dots, my all time favourite. Your dress looks perfect with the red necklace, so beautiful my lovely.

mochaccinoland said...

hahaha! u are so funny & imaginative! by the way, that's a really cute outfit and the way u styled it is perfect.


nataszkowiec said...

Lovely sets ♥ ♥ ♥

Nonchalant Rebel said...

Lovely dress!!

xx Mounia

The Marcy Stop said...

Great look! That dress is adorable.

Last day to win a $100 Warehouse Shopping Spree!

Katie Aman said...

You continually kill me with your wit, Ali! You are so, so funny. I think my favorite line was about the touching 'Blue's Clues' episode. I mean really, who hasn't cried at the end of at least one episode? We're all kidding ourselves ;)
I've only been pulled over once, for speeding a bit in college and I started to ugly-cry-it didn't help let me tell you....haha
I love your polka dot dress! It looks smashing on you and the boots are such a wonderful and unexpected touch. I love your creative combinations :)
Also-you thought of me while shopping?! That is such a compliment! I do love a good blazer and I love to shop with my mom too :)

Boheme.Fille said...

Haha,I'm always planning witty conversations in my head. Yours is pretty great! :D

Your dress is so lovely and I like that you decided to combine it with boots and socks, makes a different, yet beautiful outfit.

The Braided Bandit said...

I love the polka dots with the awesome red necklace! And I am ALWAYS making up conversations in my head about what to say to people, or what I should have said after the fact is more like it!

Style Servings said...

Haha I love the story! And this is such a pretty look, I adore the socks with the boots!

Katie Frank said...

This story is so amazing and funny! I love it :)
You look amazing, your dress is so simple but also so unique <3 Love it:)

Melina said...

Hahah, this was a cute story! Hopefully you never have to be in the situation, but I also hope it works for you if you are! :)

Love your cute outfit! The caramel accents against the polka dot blue dress are so classic! I also love that necklace!

Ivana Džidić said...

This is so not fair...I remember commenting on this post some time ago but my internet connection must have been having pms or something and the moment was lost...

Well, I'm not feeling especially witty so I'll just say
-you are as funny as usual
- I love polka dots
- and I do like the outfit.

Marlen said...

Hahaha "stop eating donuts on the job, it's giving us a bad rep." And you say that I'M good at writing?! I could clearly imagine all of this, and it had me smiling the whole way through. Also, you mentioned a Pokemon, so bonus points for you!

I got out of three tickets in my life, and I have no idea how. Though that corny little pick up line might work next time I'm in hot water ;)

Also, my boyfriend is the one with the gluten allergy- and it stiiiinks, so I feel your pain. And holy moly are the gluten-free foods expensive. It makes me want to weep. alright, more like frown but i'm feeling dramatic.

xo marlen
Messages on a Napkin

Chelsea Elizabeth said...

First of all, I LOVE the way you write. It's so much fun to read your posts

Second, I am amazed and super jealous that you got this dress for 8 bucks! So cute polka dots are my fave

Lastly, I love how cute you look with the socks and boots look. I wish I could pull that off!

Jamie Rose said...

Hahaha oh man. This post cheered me up. I got pulled over for speeding once and that guy gave me no slack because he was just pulling over college students going home to make some extra money. I'm convinced he gave me a ticket because I was dressed nicely even though my outfit was thrifted. Sad times.

Anyway, this outfit is fantastic! I love your polka dotted dress so much. Those boots look perfect with it and I'm loving the subtle leopard print socks too.

Thank you for the sweet comment about George. I'm just trying to keep on truckin'. What you said about making a new, different dog friend instead of thinking about him as a replacement made me consider the possibility that I'd be able to have another dog some day. It's way too early now, but maybe some day.

EMA said...

That is such a cute dress, and it fits you so well!

Anonymous said...

Love the dress! The boots and socks are cute as well.

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Annie said...

Love the way you wrote that :) And you look SO cute in that dress!

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laukizia said...

i love your outfit and your blog!

best wishes from germany!

Living_in_aShoe said...

your boots are perfect!

Jessi said...

Hahaha I love it! My Hubby makes up conversations and come backs ALL the time! I admit, I sometimes do it too :)
Your dress is adorable! And so cheap, which is always a great thing. Loving the necklace too and the socks and boots are so perfect :)


This was an Enjoyable read, love your wit. The dress and jewellery in this outfit is gorgeous! xo/Madison


hahaha this post is adorable! i love your little cop story, girl you so snappy ;)
and i love love love the outfit, so gorgeous!


♥ Ellen
Facebook + Instagram

The Simply Kelly said...

totally in love with this dress...u styled it well

Colette C. said...


Jo said...

Oh my, Ali! This is hilarious...

I was reading out part of your writing to my hubby beside me.

BTW, I tend to imagine scenarios in my head but not conversations. That's why I still get dumbfounded. Hahaha... I will learn your line "Is it because you are a police officer who wanted to put my heart under cardiac arrest?" I would snicker if I were you too!

Katherine / Of Corgis and Cocktails said...

I DO THAT! I thought I was NUTS. The problem is, I Totally do it for conversations and situations I Might have. Like I had legit conversations with my boss in my head over being fired/quitting or something of the likes a year before I left my job.

Speaking of police officers and emotion, most I have met are super sweet. Then again, the last time I got pulled over I was asked to get out of the car and asked if I was being held against my will (nope, I was with my now husband, and technically he got pulled over), and the only time I myself got pulled over was about an hour after I got broken up with. The cop told me about his high school girlfriend of 3 years who was 'a waste of his life.' Epic.

I'm pretty sure your adorable outfit should have made them ignore you. I tend to wave at cops when I pass them speeding. I figure an orange clown car with lol cat license plates is the least of their worries.

The polka dots by the by are super cute on you. You should rock a lot of polka dots.