Saturday, June 15, 2013
______One of the most relieving feelings is when you're able to fervently type out a new blog post from start to finish out in under an hour. I find that these moments occur most often at night, when it is somehow easier to tear yourself open and tug at your heartstrings and pour out whatever stuff your soul can fabricate into the form of words.
______Ah, yes. You have done it! You have corralled your tangled mind-words into a single dimension and smoothed them into something coherent. Your words have finally stained black on digital white parchment and no more cursor-dragging, highlighting, and deleting is necessary. It took some time, but you are hands-on-your-hips proud. You have done your deed as a blogger. And now, upon framing your post with a set of outfit photos, it is time to publish dat shit, as they say so coolly on the internet.
______And you wait. And the comments begin to trickle in. The first one is chewy and hard to digest:
______"cute dress xoxo follow me via GFC?"
______Your eyes twitches; you are slightly repelled by your screen. Och. Well, maybe the next one?
______"love your blog, check mine out sweetie!"
______The web address and closing signature this one left is longer than the painfully heart-felt comment itself. Though you've never before acquainted yourself to this anonymous commentator, a sense of betrayal invades you.
______I want there to be meaning and substance behind my posts, and for you all to realize there's a living, breathing, partial-human-and-possibly-part-mythical-creature-being on the other side of the screen. I want my posts to unveil something beyond a staged set of selfies picturing cutesy oxfords and flippy skirts. I don't want to be as shallow as a kiddie pool, seen through easily by the surface; I want to be a lagoon, an ocean, murky and swimming with sensations and emotions and other metaphorical sea-goodies.
______I feel like it's difficult to say that as someone who kind of categorizes herself as a fashion blogger, someone who gets giddy over shopping and window-gazing and dreaming of outfits and ogling slender mannequins donned in gilded jewelry, frothy lace skirts, and twirl-worthy dresses. Yes, I do get excited over finding a pretty dress. And yes, I do probably spend too much time opening and closing internet tabs in hasty search for fashionable things. And yeah, if the opportunity comes where I can make a post in exchange for a pretty, tangible something, I'm probably gonna snatch it up.
______I like clothes!
______I like stuuuuuuuff!
______But wait, there's more! There is?
______I also like substance, the innate kind of substance. The substance you can't touch, but that can be extracted to the form of words. Yes, I like to surround myself in things that I feel define me, fill a part of me, describe something about me, says something I fear words cannot.
______But I also like to share the stuff inside of me--and I'm totally not talking about guts and intestines and those wiggly, fleshy, organ-like things we all have. I mean yo soul. The experiences, the adventures, the stories and the silly little moments in life that can't be worn in the form of clothing. The expressions that flash and ignite and smoke and fire in your eyes when you're gaping about something you're absolutely enamored with, absolutely passionate about. The maestro-esque hand motions and the slight body shifts that are you and nobody else. Those innard thingies are just as eager to seep from my mind and stain my blog as the tangible stuff is.
______And I hope it does.
______I guess in a metaphorical sense, I want the words of inside-me inside accompany the fashion-y pictures of outside-me. I try to present inside and outside; shell and core.
______But does that mean that's all there is to me? Just because I like to decorate my exterior, does that mean my intristic value is somehow reduced, overshadowed? I feel like that's a myth surrounding fashion-type blogs, and I wish it'd be mythbusted asap.
______It almost seems like too much of a contrast, too much clashing. You can't have both a worthy soul and dress yourself funky, can you? I hope you can. I hope you can dress pretty and be intelligent, too. I hope you can be more. And I hope that people don't accept that as a fashion blogger, that's "all there is to you."
______I hope that someone doesn't scratch at my surface and end up with more surface. I don't want to just be layers of surface. Nobody wants to bite into a Reese's peanut butter cup only to discover a lack of peanut butter.
______I don't want to have 1,000 followers and not know a single blip about you guys. I get that some people aren't here to make friends, but just to become America's Next Top Model, but I dunno if I would be good at blogging for that sole purpose. I want to be able to regurgitate facts about the people I've met, like how I know Linda is probably the strongest-willed, most down-to-earth gal I've met, and how Katherine has a keen taste for unique foods and drinks and is wearied by the same old, same old, and how Katie is one of the kindest souls to walk this planet, and how Keit could royally kick your ass in real life (and probably in any video game ever), and how Marlen is an incredibly adept writer, and how Lyddie has a superb and eclectic musical taste. I could go on...!
______I like watching the snow fall as much as anyone else, but I don't want to end up snowed in; I want to watch each snowflake and learn its little intricacies, your little intricacies, and where they repeat in a quirky manner or what parts of it are geometrically slashed out. You all are my snowflakes, and I could never be warmer.
______I wanna know people! And I do know people, and I'm thankful for those that I do know. I'm honored to have met as many amazing people as I have, and I want to thank all of you who I've met and befriended and who read my posts with a genuine care. You know who you are. If even the smallest flame of acknowledgement flickered in your mind, you are, you are, you are.
______Why do you blog?
Dress: Cynthia Rowland (via TJ Maxx)
Sandals: Franco Sarto
Necklace, Earrings: Charming Charlie
Hair: styled by my lovely momma