Sunday, June 1, 2014

The Sky is Artificial Butter


 ______This is a tale of the Northern Lights.

______Oh, no-no-no. Not those Northern Lights, mind. Not that shimmering light spectacle that dominates the night sky like cosine and sine waves interwoven in some prismatic mating ritual. Surreal and mind-blowing as that is, I'm talking about something completely different. I'm speaking of a befuddling person who I've dubbed "Northern Lights" in my head.

______You all know I'm an avid road biker. I bike each morning when the sun soaks the land with its citrine light, just before the humidity has time to saturate the air like a sweaty herd of wild armpits. On my rides, I often stumble across the same few folks: there's a trio of greying men who sport slick neon shirts and cheerily greet me with, "G'morning, girl!"; a serious young woman who whizzes by with nothing but a curt nod; and a few friendly dudes with excellently rendered butts who usually pass beside me from behind (which is why I know of their top notch man-buns.)


______There is one particular person, one man who I have yet to comprehend when our paths intersect. His approach is signaled from afar by a blinking light on the opposite side of the road. A blinking light that conjures the flickering patterns of the Northern Lights.


______Blink-blink-blink, his light flashed to an invisible tune. Blink-moth-er-frick-in-blink-hell-yah-blink. This light is totally in tune with this dude. This dude is totally in tune with the light. There is a lot of tuning going on.

______The northern lights were flashing and moving closer. The man upon the bike sported dark shades and a spotted helmet that boasted years of road biking experience, and his tires spun confidently along the pavement. As he neared, he immediately turned his head toward me.

______"Good morning!" I instinctively hummed, waving an arm and tipping my helmet down and up in a swift and scientific biker nod. However, this man did not return my kind greeting with a head nod or friendly hand gesture like the other bikers; rather, his only response was to spread his arms to his sides. It looked as if he was preparing to lift from his bike and rise into the hazy blue stratosphere. What, was he some sort of bird man? I was equally parts amused and bewildered.

______He said something incomprehensible to me. Wind sloshed in the tunnels of my ears like thick soup in cans and cars zipped by noisily, and all I knew was that Northern Lights resembled a hawk with his outstretched arms. I could not hear him. As we passed one another, he shook his head dramatically, almost disappointedly. I delivered an incredulous look. What the huh? was all I could think.

______I gave him a snappy, "What?!" and he swerved toward the middle of the road, biking right between the yellow striped centerlines. He stuck out one finger and waved it back and forth in a deliberate "uh-uh-uh!" fashion. The kind that adults do to children when they've done something horrible, like scooping their sticky fingers in the bowl of raw cookie dough batter. Yet again, the man said something that I was unable to hear. I saw a flicker of a mouth that was partially grinning. He was smiling as he said this?

______The man biked back to his side of the road. I guffawed. What the heck, what even, who is this guy and what? was all I thought. There was no reason nor logic to his actions, and yet they seemed consistent. I was absolutely perplexed.

whale whale

______It was another week or so until we met again. Being an early Sunday morning, there was absolutely no traffic. I saw Northern Lights heading in my direction quicker than a famished trout toward a juicy worm. All right, I'll decode him this time, I assured myself.

______"What do you want?" I roared, not being able to help but grin at how ridiculous this entire scenario was. I intently strained my ears for a response.
______"You're going the wrong way!" Northern Lights shouted back to me. He only raised one arm up this time. Perhaps my shouting rendered his birdlike motions weak due to some sort of fear, or so I liked to imagine. Nonetheless, that was the first time I actually understood his words, so I choked on a reply.
______"I am not!" I said hastily, knowing that I was traveling in the proper direction: with traffic, not against it.  That was the way of the bikers, the rules of the road. So why would he point that out? He was just being silly here. I mimicked a frustrated version of his signature eagle arms, mocking him a little.
______"Well," Northern Lights retorted, perhaps sardonically, "You should be going this way!"

______He cycled past me for good and I turned my head as he flitted past, almost curving into the ditch as I did so. It was my first mini-conversation with Northern Lights, and I know there will be more as this summer progresses. Stay tuned and stay cool, folks.


Dress: New York and Co.
Denim jacket: Kohl's (exact)
Heels: Jeffrey Campbell
Necklace: Charming Charlie
Earrings: Charming Charlie


Alissa said...

I have the stupidest thing ever to say about biking. I was in a spinning class one time at the local Y. Of course they put you in front of mirrors because lord knows you really want to stare at yourself a) while seating and b) in public but c) you know you do it anyway. Anyway, no matter what weight I have been I have always had a booty that would make Kanye West smile (someone else's words, not mine)so I saw my ass one time in the mirror over a bike seat.

I stared at it.

I never biked again.
Lord it was huge.
Anyway, I didn't even read the entire post because I had to get that out there.

Alissa said...


Rachel said...

Okay, your title made me laugh, first of all--and then this is quite an interesting relationship you are developing with the strange and random biker....
And your heels are probably the coolest heels I have ever seen.


Ha! I always enjoy your little bits of humour in your stories. Hmm, I've not biked in a long time. The patterned heels are refreshing with your bright ensemble ... very lovely outfit. /Madison
Summer Neutrals

Kristian said...

I love your writing style. You always make me smile. You look like a ray of sunshine yourself in this.

Katie Aman said...

Haha, Ooooo you saucy bike-riding temptress you! It sounds like the beginning of a cheeky rom-com titled"Saucy bike riding temptress"? I'm still working on the details :)

You look perfectly lovely in this butter-yellow m'dear! You can't see it in the far shots, but I noticed that your jacket is such a fun seer-sucker fabric!! Eeee, I love details like that.

Have fun biking gorgeous!

Delores Harshaw said...

Beautiful photos and outfit. I love that yellow <3

Your writing is always a delight to read.. I look forward to more stories and developments with this guy!

Linda B said...

Lololol, oh my word, who is this mysterious Northern Lights mans?? I cannot wait to hear more about this character...
You are so lovely in your splashes of yellow and that buttery sky ;)
I adore the zebra print heels girly, they're so cuuuuute! Just like you! <3

The Dragonfruit Diaries

Jacqueline Stewart said...

ohhh, sounds like an interesting story, I am very intrigued about where it goes next. Loving this buttercup outfit too, you look glorious and all springy and lovely!

bashashhazbaz said...

you look fantastic! very cool!

Sam said...

Hi Ali, the world of bikers is quite an interesting one full of colourful characters as you have so eloquently pointed out. Northern Lights is a really intrigue, I am so eager to learn more about him, please do keep us informed. You look so beautiful in this sunny yellow dress, love the accessories with it. Thanks so much for stopping by, wishing you positivity in your week ahead!

Alexandra Marie said...

Your stories are seriously always the bomb- haha! Love the yellow- so pretty for June! Alex

Frannie Pantz said...

What an interesting interaction! Love the yellow dress!

Laura said...

haha, i love curious little encounters like this! hope you do have more mini-conversations:-) and your dress and your jewellery are beautiful! love the yellow, of the dress and the sky! xx

mochaccinoland said...

looking pretty in this yellow outfit! hope to read more about you & northern light soon ;)


OrigamiGirl said...

It does feel a bit like the start of a fantasy adventure story. You know crazy things only happen on the 3rd encounter right? Maybe next time it will all become clear and you'll be invited to save a magic kingdom. Or maybe that's just me. :)

Danielle said...

that color looks so nice on you!

xx fameliquorlove

Jenna Condon said...

Love your dress! beautiful for summer
stop by,

Alexa said...

all the colors in these photos are stunning!! i love the yellow on you and those zebra heels are so fun :) great outfit

Alexa <3

Ivana Split said...

Northern Light sounds interesting:) and you do have a great way of telling a story!I'm sure everyone who reads this will eagerly wait for more ( I do)

...and I really like those shoes! Wonderful outfit!

LyddieGal said...

Good luck figuring out Northern Lights, and i admire you for not being creeped out. If it were me I'd probably do my best to avoid that area and ever seeing him again!
Chic on the Cheap

TheTinyHeart said...

Now I need to know what will happen if you encounter Northern Lights again!

Your jacket is the cutest! At first I thought it was a regular denim jacket but I LOVE that it's seersucker!

The Tiny Heart

Aimee said...

Love that dress and necklace on you! Yellow really suits you :) x

The Belle Narrative

Taylor Bishop of Knife + Lens said...

Very beautiful photos!

libys11 said...

really lovely :) i adore the way you accessorized this outfit! :D

Animated Confessions

Anonymous said...

That printed shoe with the yellow dress is simply amazing.

Samantha said...

Again you have me laughing hysterically! You're such a riot :)

And you look just darling in yellow! You always have such beautiful jewelry as well.

Jo said...

Wait a minute... Did Northern Lights just asked you to go the same direction as he did? Is he picking you up?

That aside, I love your bright and cheery yellow outfit. You've always got the best bright cheery combo!

I am A Love Addict said...

Love that yellow dress

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Elana said...

THESE SHOES. You can't see it, my eyes actually have hearts shooting out of them right now. No, really.

I also just generally love all of the accessories in this outfit and all of your accessories ever. But you probably knew that.

Also, did I miss the first part of this story? WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS BIKING MAN?